I want to live simply. I want to sit by the window when it rains and read books I’ll never be tested on. I want to paint because I want to, not because I’ve got something to prove. I want to listen to my body, fall asleep when the moon is high and wake up slowly, with no place to rush off to. I want not to be governed by money or clocks or any of the artificial restraints that humanity imposes on itself. I just want to be, boundless and infinite.
Friday is my 3 year anniversary in sobriety. For me that means no alcohol, drugs, nyquil, pills, etc. of any kind for 3 whole years. In that time, I have learned a lot of hard lessons and below is the summation of those lessons. May it help you too!
1. I am not responsible for how other people are feeling. Really, in fact, it’s not any of my business. You don’t like it when I x, y, or z? That’s on you! Stop hanging out with me! Unless, I am deliberately hurting you, your feelings belong to you and mine belong to me.
2. People are just not thinking about me. Like ever. Like EVER EVER EVER. Most of the time, when I do something “wrong” and think everyone sees it, I am actually an idiot when I point it out. People are most of the time 100 percent thinking about themselves. And if they are thinking about me, it’s really about them. How much they hate me because they hate themselves. How much they love me because I bring out the things they love in themselves. etc, etc.
3. I AM NOT A PIECE OF SHIT. And neither are you. The universe/God/allah did not play a joke on the world by birthing us then turning us into a huge fuck up. No, in fact, most of our perceived reactions to ourselves are based on ego, rigid societal structures, and social expectations. I mean seriously, you are perfect just as you are.
4. Food will change the way you feel. If you feel like shit or are crying after every time you eat chocolate, maybe it’s time to look at what you are putting into your body. Also, see alcohol, drugs, pot, etc.
5. All actions have consequences. Own what you say and do. If you put toxic and negative stuff out to other people and the universe, you are directly responsible for the consequences of those actions.
6. Be Nice. Seriously, you don’t have to roll out the red carpet but be nice. Being mean is lame and no one will want to be your friend. If you are mean to yourself or to another person, chances are you are probably at one point going to be mean to me. Why would I let that in my life?
7. Forgiveness is letting go of obsessive thoughts of anger or ill will towards another person. PERIOD. That’s it. You don’t have to call the person up and take them out to dinner. Make a commitment to yourself to forget them. You don’t have to forget the wrong, but you also don’t have to rent space in your head to them. Forgiveness has so many layers, if you struggle with letting go then turn to yourself and take a look at where you feel like you have let yourself down. Work on that relationship first and the others will fall in line.
8. Be kind to yourself and practice good self-care. Like most of us, you probably have had a rough life, traumatic childhood, bad breakup, shitty friends, horrible job, sleepy monday, angry cat or a dog die. Think of yourself as you would a friend and nurture yourself. Make a list of things that make you happy when you are sad and do those things on your worst day.
9. Surround yourself with positive people who make you feel good about yourself. Your relationship with others is a mirror to the one you have with yourself. It says everything about who you are and the measure of your character.
10. Do estimable acts EVERY SINGLE DAY and tell no one. Do something nice for another person, just for yourself and see how good you feel. It’s an amazing way to build self-esteem.
11. Put yourself first always. If you are not taken care of, then you can not take care of others. THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT. No one wants a cranky, angry, hungry, tired friend to show up in a crisis.
12. Feel your feelings. Don’t ever let anyone tell you it’s not ok to feel the way you are feeling. Let it out. Scream, cry, rage, do what feels right in moments of doubt, sadness and anger. Practice self-care and go see a movie. You earned it.
13. It’s ok to be happy. Stop comparing yourself to others. You are never going to measure up using that faulty scale. People like you right now, not 10 pounds from now or 3 marathons from now. Right now, now. You are amazing. Everything you could ever want to be happy is right in this moment- love, friends, ice cream- it’s all yours. Relax and trust life.
"Don’t plant your bad days. They grow into weeks. The weeks grow into months. Before you know it, you got yourself a bad year. Take it from me - choke those little bad days. Choke ‘em down to nothing."-Tom Waits (via thepinesaredancing)
"You will find peace not by trying to escape your problems, but by confronting them courageously. You will find peace not in denial, but in victory."-J. Donald Walters (via antiquatedgenius)
beautiful! I need you all!
"Never waste your time trying to explain who you are to people who are committed to misunderstanding you."-Unknown (via fallingawakeee)
"Be fully aware of your own being and you will be in bliss consciously. Because you take your mind off yourself and make it dwell on what you are not, you lose your sense of well-being, of being well."-Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj (via nirvikalpa)
THE ANGRY THERAPIST: How Do You Overcome Shame?
Guilt is the feeling you get when your behavior does not match your values. Guilt can be healthy. It allows you to correct a wrong behavior and get on with your life. Guilt is a focus on behavior. ”I’m sorry I made a mistake”.
Shame is an inner sense of being bad, inadequate, defective or not…
A medication technique that’s been around for millennia can reduce anxiety and blood pressure.
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